What are those stones for?

When I decided to do the Camino, a very long time ago, I read about how pilgrims (the walkers) often carry a stone or rock with them to keep and when the time is right, deposit it somewhere on the trail, symbolically.

From the beginning, as a lover of symbolism, I thought this idea was genius. I wanted to bring rocks for a variety of reasons. Some were to leave on the trail after I had processed a particular grief or life event, such as 

• A stone for my sister
• A stone for my mom
• A stone for my dad
• A stone for my divorce and my broken heart

Other stones were for other people and their griefs or events that I wanted to pray about and then leave on that person’s behalf. 

• A stone for my friends who are awaiting the next addition to their beautiful family. (This is you M&E)
• A stone for the health and happiness of my aging aunt and uncle (Ap and Um)
• A stone for a family member who is fighting cancer (B)

Still other stones were for the people I wanted to take with me for strength and love through the Camino.

I wanted to regularly think and pray over these people and be grateful for their place in my life.

• My son and daughter
• My son’s girlfriend

I deposited my sister’s stone first. It was by far the most emotional of my placements. My sister had a more challenging life than most other people I know. There is no reason I can identify other than chemical wiring. She was super smart, but struggled in feeling safe and confident in some of the basics of life, which caused her to experience regular discomfort. These are the things that most of us take for granted in life, like talking to strangers or calling a company to problem solve almost anything. She just struggled in a way that I cannot relate to. 

As I literally cried my way down the steep slate hill into Zubiri, which was literally at least the last two miles, it occurred to me: what if this is what every day felt like in her skin. I found myself bawling for my own pain in my knees, but also the pain in her life. I was ready to set down that stone. 

I then recovered from that and began to process my parents’ deaths.