To begin again. Differently.

~Cheryl Strayed

In the quiet of a Saturday morning, before the city awakens, amidst an empty house and a mug of warm coffee, I begin to think about the future.

I am drastically changed by the experiences of the past month of my life. There has always been intentionality about how I approached life. For the past three decades or so, I have been increasingly careful about the kinds of people I let into my world. To varying degrees, I have protected myself from the negative forces in the world, even when it meant being less informed (no television news) or less popular and busy (many less accepted invitations.) I have weeded my garden carefully to snuff out that which will suffocate the beauty.

To a greater degree now, I know that I will protect my heart and soul from the outside forces that may serve to degrade the quality of my life. Some of those forces are easy to recognize and others come disguised as something that looks and feels appealing, but in the end turns out to be self-serving.

I have discovered, since being home, that my approach to life has changed. I am no longer drawn to fill each day with multiple, though meaningful, activities. (My therapist calls this distractions.) Life needs to be slower, and even more intentional. My focus has shifted to include only that which deserves my attention. I have purposed to slowly re-enter my world, not calling every single person who I love to report that I am home. I have carefully responded to the inquiries and invites, only affirming which might continue to feed my soul and help me healthfully process the magnitude of this past month.

Going forward, I know that there will be challenges. Just because I am no longer walking the Camino in Spain, does not mean I am not still on this journey. There are mountains to scale. I will not avoid them, as these mountains will not permanently damage my physical body. They will serve to make me stronger, and I will face that which may be painful and difficult, for the good of my long term future. I will strive to be honest with myself and others.

I am beginning again. When I announced to a friend several months ago that I was doing the Camino, she said, "You are creating Patricia 3.0!" We laughed at this together, but now, on the other side of it, that is exactly what I am. It is a rebirth, a turn in the road onto a new path. I welcome what it has to offer, and I will vehemently protect and preserve the beauty it has to offer.