Day 1- Travel

This morning in the shower, I was thinking about just what I was embarking upon. 

I will not sleep in my own bed again for 45 days. I won’t use good shampoo or conditioner or even shower in complete private, most likely. 

Maddie spent the night and both kids got up early to see me off to the airport. Maddie popped over to Starbucks and grabbed everyone breakfast while I was doing the above mentioned contemplation in the shower. 

When I was all done getting ready, we sat together for one last time before my departure to talk. I shared how proud I am of them and how much I trust them and believe in them. Each of them are in challenging stages of life that require decision making and support. I encouraged them to be that support for each other. 

Now, as Deb and I sit at PDX waiting for our plane I think about me. Am I ready?

No. I am twenty pounds heavier than I want to be. I needed more training. I am scared. What if I get hurt?

But what is the cost if I don’t do this?  That cannot be quantified except through health. I have experienced various levels of anxiety, sleeplessness and overall internalization of unresolved emotion over the past twenty four years. 

Could I go on in my current state? Certainly. I have learned to thrive amidst my circumstances nicely. But deep within, I know there is work to do to be my best, most healthy self. That is what I search for. 

I know there will be physical pain and tears but there will also be amazing new people and experiences to accompany me as I go forward. 

Ahead: fourteen hours of air travel. 

Behind: a beautiful life. 

Buen Camino!